Lately, my mind has been pretty out of the realm of what this blog has applied to.

Here lies most of what I refer to as a time capsule of a period in which life was so confusing, uncertain, and created a lot of voids in my sense of self. 

So with my "lately" train of thought, I have decided to put a rest to this blog. 

To seriously make it a time capsule and start a tumblr. I have resisted all temptation because I did not want to overwhelm myself with online accounts, but this one is pretty dead anyway.

To explain further, I have reached into myself and really worked at obtaining the things that make me happiest. 

It has been one of the toughest things to do, because I have had to confront my life as a whole and proceed to break it down and change based on what I acknowledge needs to happen. Sure, it sounds simple enough, but (even as I did some self evaluation) I began to realize that one of my first problems is even addressing issues to begin with...running is always easiest when it's metaphorical. There is enough oxygen and muscle strength to last miles. However, that path is well treaded and I am looking toward a positive route that will guarantee no wasted laps and plenty of creative outlets I have been needing for awhile.

With that said, here are a few goals I will be working on (alongside my new life as a Tumblr-er, ha!):

1. Craft more days than I don't. Starting out small will keep my goal realistic.

2. Remember that I am going to Portland, soon. 

3. Also remember that living on the beach in Oregon is a someday goal.

4. Don't forget about Paris.

5. Investigate hand made crafting: pants, skirts, bags, earrings, shirt modifications, etc.

6. Photograph often. Update myself on photographer blogs. 

7. To strengthen my photography awareness, borrow cameras if I can't buy them cheap.

8. Lab tech. Do it. Do it. Do it. Now.

9. Stay atop HW because the general ed needs to get out of the way so I can focus on my art.

10. Set up craft nights with ALL friends. 

11. Pizza nights, remember those.

12. Frame my photography and keep an online portfolio current.

13. Start my "Pay it Forward" mission.

14. Amend old non-amended things.

15. Therapy. In every way.

Photography Goals:

1. Be the change documentation.

2. Volunteer documentation. 

3. Set up portraiture shoots.

4. Camera/Lens/Film Experimentation is key.

5. Invest in technology awareness. 

6. Do not fear the unknown or expensive. Remember to self-educate.

7. Summer Project. Do it. DO it. Seriously.

8. Photograph for my poetry.

9. Write my poetry to photograph for it.

10. Learn the basics about networking and self-employment.

Eventually, I dream of waking up with the sun every day and walking in the rain to a quaint coffee shop, starting off my morning with photography, people watching, self-reflection, and inspiration. I want the overcast of beaches to be my scenery, at least for some time. I want to know French and speak it daily, and have a reason to. I want to thrift and craft my own clothes from discovery. I also wish to learn the ways of veganism, because I feel it stronger emphasizes my point about the world and our animals in it. With that, I want to document my journey. I want to recycle better than I do now, which is pretty darn well. But that gets photographed also. I can't wait to really fall into this naturally, but until then I have so much work to do. 

The first step is reaching in a direction that is away from what this blog has been for me. With a clearer mind, I feel a fresh start is necessary and only helpful. (:

The Pursuit of Happyness

Lately, I have felt so out of balance.

As if I could not do the things I wanted because there were too many things that I HAD to do. But the thing is, these "have to-s" are all things that are paving my way into the future. I am getting somewhere, and in order to be successful, I have to trek on.

Something that I have allowed to get in my way is fear.

The fear to tackle the things that I have really wanted to pursue. I attempted in spurts, but have lost focus because, at times, life got too intense.

So here is to another new beginning.

I am moving away from an area that depresses me, entirely.

I am getting rid of old clothes that I said I would for so long.

A new home means settling in the way that I need to.

A craft nook.

An art display on the walls, like I have always wanted.

...but have always been afraid to do because I just move too much.

Because life has never been predictable to me.

And though I have fallen into unpredictability, I really do find comfort in knowing certainty about some things.

So I am going to be certain to keep my goals in mind, write them down, display them in ways that will keep me on the life path that I wish for.

I want to be who I am trying to be.

I always thought that it would just be simple to be who it is one aspires to be- just act that way, right?

But I am discovering that it takes far more.

In my case,

therapy.

In so many ways.

It takes art. It takes volunteer work.

It takes extremely good time management.

It takes saving up.

It takes looking to the future in ways that I have been afraid to do.

It takes perseverance.

And it takes an unshakable mind.

I have faltered in having faith in myself,

in love for myself,

and in making my life more than just a day full of work and school.

Everything is relevant,

and everything is folding upon itself

to create something magical.

The first step is to remember to tackle one thing at a time.

SO I wrote these things down to remind myself that I am capable of letting go of fear and having the courage to be something great and even more full of love.