Applebutton.

Our bellies are full with the pride we've swallowed
and our eyes are burning
because sleep is miles away,
the sun is finding its way back into the night
And I love you.
My lungs catch breaths between words,
stealing air from my mouth
so that they may keep you there.
and I am speechless.
Like first kiss breathless.
Like shaking fingers against your skin, reckless.
I cannot hold your words long enough,
they are falling against my brain like rainstorms.
Like rainstorms I want to dance with you,
catch you on my lips,
and savor the caress of life you have given me.

In the moonlight,
we are silly dancers on silly toes,
graceful.
rootless tress in the wind,
darkness has never been quite so illuminated.
My lashes are squinting together
in your light,
like skin lines against skin
at the corners of my mouth
pulling around my teeth
indefinitely.

In my hands,
yours are intertwined
and in this moment
things are beautiful.
You are beautiful
despite the rotten you claim.
I want to cradle you in blankets of arms
and show you that never has anything
compared to you.
Skipping steps and tongue strides,
we are counting on limbs
our imperfections,
running out of space.
But somehow none of this matters,
because at some point between
our attempts at defining here and there,
we discovered that we exist
somewhere.
That somewhere exceeds time and space
and nestles between your Adam's apple
and my bellybutton.

So we will send our voices across
power lines,
speaking in riddles
like confused sounds with meaning somewhere.
like falling apart and only half understanding.
We are existing on ends of humanity,
creating motion surpassing that of many.
And I love you.
Like friendships too hard to let go of.
Like somewhere is my safe place.
Here and there,
we battle our demons,
count our scars,
and tally up our losses.
Hands and fingers,
skin and bone,
we stand against cave walls,
our shadows curved to fit the sketching of numbers
defining the skeletons of our past.
And here we are innocent.
We are tracing the lines of where we used to be,
And redefining where it is we thought we were headed.
And in this moment,
We are beautiful.
Like children fingers against canvas
Like bare toes against pavement,
we are discovering.
Despite our old souls,
We are tireless.
We are embracing what is to come,
with minds forgetting,
that once upon a time
we never knew each other.
That there was a time
When my ribcage swelled
And yours was not there to catch it.


Well, love,
I am asking you to catch it.
Catch me in your lover’s palm
And never let me go
because too many times I have
fallen far from fate
running away from anything
beautiful.
Too many times
I have settled for something
Less than applebutton.
So Adam’s Apple,
rest still against my belly,
await the rays
before our battles begin again,
and know that
here is our somewhere.

Unresolved Phrases of Sound.

When I die,
I hope that I leave behind nothing but beautiful.
I wish with every piece of my soul,
that my body does not engulf it;
that every breath I take reaches deep into my insides
and finds its way into adoration.

I hope that every dark nook
holds nothing but radiance,
because life is radiance.
Because I am taking in life,
through these lungs,
leaving it to digest in my ribcage.

I want to exhale
and make the sun sick with envy;
because I never burned you,
left your skin with scars of adventures in my light.
I will reflect through my veins a brighter light
than that of coursing rivers,
always changing.
I am always changing.
Never will your eyes rest upon my being
and find complacence in contentment.

Through these broken things,
I want to salvage what is graceful
and paint it upon my skin
so that my pores will know life's beauty
each moment they breathe.

I won't forget to breathe.


(incomplete).

Dear You,

I hope that your new life is worth living,
despite the fact that everything you once had is now gone.
Everything that you gained, and the people you loved,
are no longer worth loving.
I hope that your new life compensates for all of the wreckage you've left behind,
regardless of how quickly you stepped over it as it crumbled around your feet.

I hope that, despite the face-to-face cordiality,
you know that your new life will never erase the reality
that you are who you are,
that you did what you have done,
and that you are still not a strong enough person to confront yourself.

Sincerely,
Me.


(9/26/10)

The Reluctant Lover.

New beginnings have always been my forte, 

but never in a graceful fashion.

So often I become experimental in grace,

that I embarrass its essence.

Round 5,326,246: epic fail.